Untitled Thoughts

This post has been sitting in my drafts folder for too many days now because I didn’t have a title for it. But I didn’t want to let it sit longer, so please excuse my lack of creativity.

If you’re a regular reader you may remember a while ago I wrote a letter to 18 year old me that got me thinking about the past, about life, and about the seemingly insignificant choices we make everyday. I promised a follow up post that never came… until now.

I was reminded of this topic recently after I read a blog written by a father who just lost his three sons. After a high risk, yet uneventful triplet pregnancy, his children were born rather suddenly at only 22 weeks. If you have the strength, read what he wrote about them here and offer up a prayer for them. But be warned- you might need a kleenex or two.

So it has brought me back to a place of contemplation.

Is this fate, or karma? Did this couple lose their boys as punishment for something they did in a past life? Or because they wouldn’t have loved them enough in this one? If you read any of their posts I think you can argue that wouldn’t be it. So what then?

In times like this people will often say “everything happens for a reason.” I wonder… can they really mean everything? Everything is a whole lot of things. That would have to include the clothes we pick out each day, what we watch on TV, yes… even our kids pooping in the tub or other fun parenting surprises, ALL have some higher purpose. And I wonder, can that really be true? But can it be possible the opposite is true? Nothing happens for a reason. We are all just floating around like that feather in Forrest Gump? I think it must be somewhere in between. How then, can we find solace knowing that there is some purpose, and when must we simply accept that no one ever said life would be easy?

Another thing I have heard from time to time it that “It was meant to be.” It seems as though we love to think happy things are always meant to be. Those two people were meant to be together, or that job is perfect for him- it was meant to be, even Russell and I said we always felt like we were meant to have twins. But if good things are meant to be, are bad things as well? I had mentioned back in this post that my friend Robin’s car accident might have been avoided if someone had to go to the bathroom and they left a few minutes later. But maybe that isn’t true. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference. It’s possible the guy who hit them would have also left later. Maybe they were meant to be in that accident.

And what about God?

“God is in control” people say. But I (brace yourself- I may upset some people here) do not think that is true. I don’t think God is in control. I think God could be in control, but chooses to give us free will instead, and that is both the joy and the curse of it. Similarly I can be here to comfort, support, and guide my children… but I can’t always make them do what I want. (and I have a sneaking suspicion that it will only get worse) And sometimes they get hurt because of that. But that is the way God has designed it.

The truth is, bad things happen. Couples who desperately want a child know the constant heartache of infertility. Parents are forced to grieve the life of a child cut so very short. Jobs that are needed are lost. Homes are lost. And while I don’t have all the any answers as to why, I do know that everything… the good and the bad… is what defines us and shapes who we are.

Published in: on June 27, 2011 at 9:06 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. These are wonderful thoughts Anina and I am so glad you shared them with or without a title. I popped over to the other blog and tears are streaming down my face, but I know I’ll be thinking about these things for the rest of the day. Love you.

  2. I agree as well. Butttt… I still don’t understand why such horrible things have to happen such as what you had mentioned etc. Why some people have to experience such horrible heart ache in order to shape them into who they are seems… I don’t have the words for it… just seems to have NO sense. I mean.. to lose a child of all things… ok.. so that can show one that one can get through it besides want to kill them self’s because they are in such pain.. that doesn’t shape you.. that just leaves a hole in your heart that should never have been whole to begin with. If there is a big guy up there.. I understand your thoughts as to why people say why would he let this happen…. he isn’t in control of everything… but to let such horrible things happen that often times happen… leads me personally to think that maybe there is no one up there.. cuz such heart ache should not have to happen in certain cases just to build character or for one to learn how strong they are. If a child can not be in this world and god chooses to take them because they would be too sick in this world.. then that’s justice that I can agree with a little more.. but in other cases.. i don’t understand why such senseless things have to happen. I don’t think we will ever understand why. Going through the ups and downs does def make us stronger and learn etc. and with out those experiences both the good and the bad.. w/out enduring them we wouldn’t be who we are today.. but in some cases.. I still don’t see ANY reasoning for something horrible to happen. But that’s just my two cents.

  3. I worked for a church for 20 years so I’ve come to know a lot about people’s lives in the course of my job and what I know for sure is that no one gets out of this life without facing amazing challenges. What’s interesting is knowing their challenges and watching people deal with them with so much grace (either their own style or God’s grace depending on how you read this). I know the subject came up today because of the deaths of tiny babies but at the other end of the spectrum I have witnessed the tragedy of really old people feeling they’ve lived too long and have lost all of their family and friends and that maybe God forgot them and they’re just stuck here in life forever.
    I agree that parenting is what God does. The world is just a scary place but He gives us free will to live our lives as we choose and His love and family and friends to love us through it all.

  4. I totally agree with you about God and free will. God may have a plan for you, but your free will interupts that plan from time to time. Here’s my case for that. Brett’s cousin was murdered last sumer, she was 7 months pregnant. I refuse to believe that God’s plan for Devina was for her to be murdered while she was pregnant. Instead I believe that an awful man decided to commit a horrible act and we are left to pick up the pieces. God has nothing to do with it. And he greaves with us.
    Bad things just happen, I don’t think there is a reason, it just is.
    Great post!

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