Things Not to Say to Parents of Twins

I understand people are curious about twins. They are not as uncommon as they used to be, but even still they attract a lot more attention than a singleton. I know this for a fact based on my experiences going out with the girls together and when I only take one with me. When I am alone with one we barely turn a head. When I go out with both girls there is hardly a person who doesn’t at least do a double take to look at them, not to mention all the people who stop me to ask one of these stupid questions…

Are they twins? O.k. maybe this is more acceptable for older kids (like 4 or older) but when you see two infants, in a double stroller, in matching car seats please just use your brain.

Are they identical? I am adding this one for all the parents of boy/girl twins. If there is one boy and one girl how could they be identical?

How do you tell them apart? I look at them. I am with these kids day in and day out. Don’t you think I’d be able to pick up on their differences?

Who is older? Really, they are a couple of minutes apart. Does it really matter?

Which one is the better sleeper/eater/whatever? Please don’t ask me to compare my kids in this way. They are going to compete enough already. Do they really need to hear their mom saying “she is not as good as her sister” to random strangers?

Do twins run in your family? I think this is just a polite way to ask if we used fertility treatments. And FYI – fertility treatments do not have any effect on identical twins and neither does family genetics. Both can be causes of fraternal twins, but not identical.

Looks like you have your hands full! Yes I do. Now would you mind letting me get my shopping done while they are still remotely happy? Or could you help me out with that door? Thanks.

Double Trouble! Please don’t ever say this to a parent of twins. It makes our blood boil. We love our kids and see them as blessings, not some kind of burden.

Now by this point you might be saying “Geez Nina, people are just curious”. But I don’t think it is possible to understand the number of times you hear each one of these comments until you live it. For example, I had this conversation with my dad when we visited him in August. Then we went to the store for one item. We could not have been in the store five minutes and were asked three times if they were twins. Now picture that all the time everyday. And if you do want to say something, try one of these things:

Twins! How wonderful, congratulations.

They are beautiful.

Wow, how lucky.

You must feel very blessed.

… and I do. Thanks.

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Published in: on November 28, 2010 at 9:48 am  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I can understand. But a LOT of people lack common sense these days.. plus a lot of people aren’t educated about twins so they will ask and ask and ask. I say find a way to put a piece of paper or create your own type of bumper sticker lets say.. and find a place to put it.. would be kind funny.. like on the stroller etc.. some where visible when your out and about lol… maybe that would stop some people.. yet again.. maybe not… some might not take the time to read the sign lol

  2. Haha! I love these types of articles/posts. Thanks for including the identical question for b/g twins! I got that constantly when my twins were infants! For the most part, I’m pretty laid back about talking to people openly when they ask these questions, but the one that really offended me was: “So since they’re boy/girl and fraternal, they probably are just like any other siblings and don’t have that special twin bond people talk about, huh?” I had no idea how to respond to something like that.


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